Grace and a bag of groceries
"Here, you can give these to another kid, I don't need them anymore" my foster son said as he pointed to a pile of superhero toys. I was speechless for a moment as I processed what this 5 year old was really saying. "That's a great idea" I said, trying to hide my surprise, "this way you can let go of some old memories". Oh, I know the memories are still there but he is smart enough not to hang on to physical things that trigger those dark places.
This smart little guy had to let go of more than just toys to get to this part of his journey. Somewhere along the way he decided to let go of his anger. Not plain anger, suppressed anger, explosive anger, dangerous anger, to both himself and those around him. When he let go of that, it was coupled with something else, the need for justice.
When he first arrived he asked if we could change his name to Bruce Wayne. I'll admit, I had to Google it, turns out that's the name of the actor who portrays Batman. He went on to explain that if he was big, strong, had a cool car, gadgets and super powers he could "get them". He was angry and wanted to make sure that the people who hurt him would "get theirs". How much time do we waste trying to get bigger, stronger and get the car and gadgets so that we can also "get them". The people in our lives who have wounded and scarred us.
Somewhere along the way, little man released his anger and his need for justice, leaving him room to heal. How much time have I personally spent waiting for justice? Wanting people to get caught and their double lives exposed, or simply rot in the hot place. Foster parenting is not for sissies. It stirs up anger and a hunger for justice. A want to see people reap what they sow but that doesn't bring healing. It doesn't erase memories or fill deep wounds, only true forgiveness can do that.
Later that evening little man said, "You know, if those people came to the door, I still would not let them in...unless they bring a bag of groceries, then I would open the door". "So you are not mad anymore" I asked. He whispered a small, "no".
My mind went back a few days earlier, I had gone to a thrift store where the books are 10 for a dollar. As I neared the book bin, I noticed a large crowd and at the far left corner there was a women who seemed to be leading the show. "Grace" she said boldly, "I need books on Gods grace, oh and mercy too". It turns out she was a minister at the local jail. She explained that her mission was to teach the inmates how to accept Gods forgiveness and accept His grace.
I've been thinking about that encounter for days. We so easily preach grace when it comes to ourselves but are not so quick to give it. Lord, help us to forgive and let go of our anger and especially our need for justice. Help us to extend grace so we can receive healing and maybe even
a bag of groceries.
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