Helicopters and Meltdowns
This year my son is in 6th grade, it's his first year of middle school. He has always been mainstreamed but this year for the first time he is in an inclusion class. I've had many doubts and unmerited preconceived ideas about this. Turns out I'm learning just as much as he is!
At the first parent teacher conference I was questioned by the 4 teacher staff. "So, has he always had a Para pro" they prodded. I answered defensively, "well yes, but not one on one, it was always someone who helped the 3-4 kids". "Hmm" the teachers exchanged knowing looks, "we can tell, he has a hard time deciding what to do for himself, we can see him waiting to be told what is expected of him next". There it was, the fear I dreaded had come true. I admitted to the teachers that I was always afraid that he would be too reliant on an aid constantly telling him what to do and not develop his own opinion or thinking.
Fast forward to this morning, he has a mini meltdown trying to figure out how to carry boots and breakfast and a backpack at once. I have a major meltdown, what's this? Where is the planning ahead, the strategy, the common sense? All it once it hits me, I work so hard at teaching and equipping my son with special diets and detoxes to help him along but his father and I have been the biggest culprits in not letting him grow!
7 years of childless marriage
20 years of infertility
1 adopted son= the recipe for the finest helicopter parents money can buy!
When I was a teenager my parents released me out into the wild. They allowed me to follow my calling in life. I went to Mexico City as an Assistant in Missions. Mexico City! The largest city in the world. I often ask my mom how she did it, because I can't even let my kid stand on the porch by himself! The truth is we have to start to let go at an early age, something I have failed to do.
As Pastors we see it all the time in the counseling office. Parents meddling in their adult children's marriages, telling them what to cook, where to live and so on. Adults not sure of who to listen to their spouse or their parents?
As parents our goal is to raise good citizens, responsible adults but somewhere in our journey we have to step back and let them go. Oh I know, we need to push them sometimes to the next level. I had no trouble explaining that it was time to let go of Thomas the tank engine and Barney dvds, (this from the woman who has a box of vintage Barbies downstairs). I know we have to expose him to social situations so he can learn and practice. I just didn't' get the memo about backing off, letting go, letting him grow up. I recently saw a quote that said "Don't smother your children, no one can grow in the shade". It hit me where it hurts.
So this is your chance little man, we are stepping back, and asking God once again for wisdom.
Grow son, spread your wings, but if you think you are getting your driving permit in 2 years you have another thing coming!
At the first parent teacher conference I was questioned by the 4 teacher staff. "So, has he always had a Para pro" they prodded. I answered defensively, "well yes, but not one on one, it was always someone who helped the 3-4 kids". "Hmm" the teachers exchanged knowing looks, "we can tell, he has a hard time deciding what to do for himself, we can see him waiting to be told what is expected of him next". There it was, the fear I dreaded had come true. I admitted to the teachers that I was always afraid that he would be too reliant on an aid constantly telling him what to do and not develop his own opinion or thinking.
Fast forward to this morning, he has a mini meltdown trying to figure out how to carry boots and breakfast and a backpack at once. I have a major meltdown, what's this? Where is the planning ahead, the strategy, the common sense? All it once it hits me, I work so hard at teaching and equipping my son with special diets and detoxes to help him along but his father and I have been the biggest culprits in not letting him grow!
7 years of childless marriage
20 years of infertility
1 adopted son= the recipe for the finest helicopter parents money can buy!
When I was a teenager my parents released me out into the wild. They allowed me to follow my calling in life. I went to Mexico City as an Assistant in Missions. Mexico City! The largest city in the world. I often ask my mom how she did it, because I can't even let my kid stand on the porch by himself! The truth is we have to start to let go at an early age, something I have failed to do.
As Pastors we see it all the time in the counseling office. Parents meddling in their adult children's marriages, telling them what to cook, where to live and so on. Adults not sure of who to listen to their spouse or their parents?
As parents our goal is to raise good citizens, responsible adults but somewhere in our journey we have to step back and let them go. Oh I know, we need to push them sometimes to the next level. I had no trouble explaining that it was time to let go of Thomas the tank engine and Barney dvds, (this from the woman who has a box of vintage Barbies downstairs). I know we have to expose him to social situations so he can learn and practice. I just didn't' get the memo about backing off, letting go, letting him grow up. I recently saw a quote that said "Don't smother your children, no one can grow in the shade". It hit me where it hurts.
So this is your chance little man, we are stepping back, and asking God once again for wisdom.
Grow son, spread your wings, but if you think you are getting your driving permit in 2 years you have another thing coming!
Que hermoso. Es verdad. Cuando lei esto, lágrimas rodaron por mis mejillas. Soy tan egoista, los amo tanto, que los sobreprotejo. Solo le pido a Dios por su sabiduria, para saber cuando es cuando.
ReplyDeleteAmen hna. Es tan difícil pero tenemos que creer Y confiar cuando la palabra de Dios nos dice que Su palabra no volverá nulo. Salmo 121 El protégé sus entradas y salidas! DtB
DeleteAs your Mama, I can tell you it was not easy to step back so you could move forward. But I could see you had a gift for serving others and to have hold on and not allow you to spread your wings and fly towards the Lord's calling would have broken your spirit and I let go because I loved you more than I loved myself. Tears, yes I shed many but to have seen you blossom in to the woman you are today...........that was all you and the Lord. All I did was let go and let God. Today you teach me and I grow with your words. I love you more than myself Mija. Christ loved us more than He's self. Continue, continue opening new doors in Christ.
ReplyDeleteLove Mama
I love you mama
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